Many years ago I was a psychology major in college.  That is not what I ended up as but it was a start.  I was intensely interested in the reasons why people feel the way they do and how the environment can shape that.  As a result I often sat in many a community college psychology class.  During one of my classes the professor brought in a recording he had made of a 20/20 (I think?) broadcast on a group of psychologists studying married couples over a period of like 10 years.

What stuck with me was the claim one of the psychologists made.  He claimed he could determine how long a couple would stay married after interviewing them.  As the program went on this psychologist spoke about his theory which was interlaced with scenes of various couples talking about their marriage.  The greatest predictor was that once the couple stopped fighting and said "I don't care" it was over.  I don't mean to say this is a "do whatever makes you happy and I will support it I don't care," what he was talking about was the exasperated, exhausted "fuck it, I just don't care."  The news segment ended with one of the couples that had been featured talking about a conflict they were having about where to move.  You could tell it was over by the end of their exchange...  The wife said, "I don't care."  The scene cut to the newsman talking to the psychologist and he said, based on what I have seen, I give them 5 years before divorce.

Now hold that thought for a minute.

Recently I was watching another program and a divorce attorney was being interviewed.  The divorce attorney said his biggest enemy was not the other side but often his own clients.  He said that after long legal battles one side just usually gives up.  Stops fighting for anything and just says "I don't care."  The lawyer went on to explain that it is at this point that his client loses.  Rather than fighting for what he/she wants or deserves he/she just wants it to be over.

So if there is anything we can take away from the two above items is that "I don't care" can be incredibly damaging.  This is not to say that everything has to be a fight, but you have to be willing to stand up for what you believe in...  And you have to be patient when presenting your point to your spouse.

There are so many things to care about, but there are just as many that we shouldn't.  To many times we get them confused.  In fact I bet if you really looked back on your past couple fights with your spouse by the time the fight was over it had nothing to do with what started it.

Save your energy for the things that really matter.  That way when the big stuff comes up you won't be too exhausted to deal with it.  Let go of the little things and move forward and I think you will find being unburdened with the resentment of missing the first two previews because the spouse was late to leave for the movies will make you a better person.  And more importantly, I am sure the preview is online anyway.

-TheHusBlog