Hello There Gentle Readers, it's me TheHusBlog.  Of course who else would it be, it is not like I gave my password away to a rich prince in Nigeria...

In any case sometimes I do little writing assignments for myself.  Usually I give myself a word and see if I can work that into something.  A lot of times it allows me to get stuff off of my chest, vent, or it turns into something interesting and whole sharing.  The below is something that I wrote when trying to create a post around the word puppet...

Though this is not my typical fare, I thought it was a worth wild read.  Please enjoy.

-TheHusBlog

1. Realize that we are not special and be okay with being average
2. Understand that everything that happens to us is a simple chance to grow, change, or regress
3. Act in a way that is nice

After you accept you are getting a divorce you need, or at least I needed to come up with a plan to be okay.  I consulted friends and family and started to cobble together a plan that would help me make it through the next couple of months.  I needed to decide what I would focus on and what I would let go of...

TheHusBlog Definition Pause (Holy Shit I found a way to work this back in, golf clap) : My Divorce Plan

• Take care of my body, work out eat right.  During the bad times in the marriage I joined a gym and started working out regularly.  I figured it would be a good stress relief.  Well after 4 months I had lost like 50 pounds, which was cool.  I still had some more to lose and other fitness goals so I decided that I needed to keep working out.  Even if I was a wreck emotionally, if I took care of my body I would at least have that.
• No Dating for 6 months.  I decided that I was not going to date or even consider dating for at least 6 months, I was going to be completely up front about where I was with whomever (whoever?) I dated.  And no I do not mean where I live, I mean where I was emotionally.
• No Sex Either.  Okay so I know that should go with the bullet point above but I made a decision to not seek out a friends with benefits situation either.
• Let my friend be their for me.  This one was hard for me.  I do not accept help, nor am I normally willing to admit when I am hurting, but for this time I decided to be vulnerable with my friends.  I assembled a team, let my friends know that I was hurting and what they could do to help me.  Each one of them, being amazing and awesome jumped right in.
• Journal my thoughts.  I wrote a lot down during the pain points of the divorce, some of what started in my journal will make it here.

So when looking at my posting history you will see that as of July last year my wife and I were trying to make a baby.  Then you see a post in Jan of this year that we are divorcing.  How do you go from trying to start a family to ending any and all connections...

Well it is easy, first you have to already be on shaky ground, then you just have to accept it.

The truth is, when I look back on my marriage, really look back on it, I realized that I was not happy.  Being a christian, I do not believe in divorce.  I committed to good times AND bad.  That commitment, was not enough.

The wife had finished school, she had a good job, we bought a house.  We were living the dream.  We tried very hard to have a child.   When my wife got pregnant I was crazy happy.  Then shortly after she miscarried...

The miscarriage was a starting event to the destruction of our marriage, but it was not the cause.  The cause of our divorce was a lack of connection.  We grew apart rather than growing together.  I sensed the gap widening between us and started to fight to keep us together.

I suggested marriage retreats, marriage counseling, but the wife would have none of it.  She told me that things were not as bad as I made them out to be and that I was overreacting.  She said she just needed time...

Slowly I was evicted from her life.  First we started sleeping in separate rooms, then we started hanging out with different friends, then our lives untangled so that she had her life and I had mine.  Even as everything was happening I knew it spelt doom for our marriage, but I fought to keep it together.  I gave her space, that did not help.  I tried to just hang out with her, that did not help.  I picked fights to start a real conversation, that did not help.

Everything I tried did not help.  As the marriage broke apart I started throwing up every morning.  For 4 months, the stress was so much that each morning I woke up and threw up.  It was the worst time in my life.

Finally, my wife just told me

"I want a divorce"

A survival instinct kicked in.  Everything became very tactical at that point.  We divided things up, amicably.  On my part because I felt like she would change her mind.  On her part because I think she wanted me to go quietly.

I am sure I was not without blame in the divorce, but I do feel like I tried everything I could to keep us together.  I look at myself in the mirror without regrets, because I did everything I thought I could to keep us married...

I do not believe in divorce, unfortunately, my wife did...

-TheHusBlog

PS : I know this is one of my darker posts, thank you for reading I promise I am okay.

So you know, a 2 year or so hiatus, I wonder what has been going on?  Well long story short, I got divorced.  It seemed hard to write about adventures in marriage when I was in a marriage falling apart and now that I am divorced it would be impossible.

I love writing it and really enjoyed keeping this blog.  I wrestled with just deleting it, but I truly loved some of what I wrote.  I am now wrestling with re-purposing it to capture my new adventures.  But there in lies the rub(I love getting the chance to say that).  My name TheHusBlog, short for the Husband's Blog.  But if I change my name, then I would have to change the domain, then there would be all kinds of hassles.

But what if, instead I just re-purpose my name as well?  What if the Hus in TheHusBlog was no longer short for Husband, but instead was an acronym?

I came up with some options:

Happily Under Stress
Hopeful, Upbeat, Silly
Heartfelt Urban Sickness(They all can't be winners people)
Hear, Understand, Say
Have Unyielding Soul
Hump Under Stairs?


I don't know if I will use any of the above.  Maybe I will come up with others or maybe I will just say screw it and be TheHusBlog without any care as to what my name implies.

As always this blog was a place for me to journal my adventures, the marriage is over, but the adventures are not.  In fact look forward to all kinds of new topics:

• Dating post divorce (oh that should be interesting)
• Living in an apartment complex filled with either Divorced People or 20 somethings that really can't afford to live there
• Telling all your friends about your divorce, a how to guide?